Self-destructive

Fear! Fear is one of the most powerful driving engines of human psyche. It conditions us as much as, for example, love… and sometimes even more. Fear of being abandoned, fear of being cheated, fear of being laid off. It can seem a primitive instinct and maybe it is but it doesn’t seem to have anything primitive about it. In fact, the more intelligent and educated one is, the more fear one will feel – because one can envision much more ways of being hurt.
Hurt?! Well, that is the big idea – that we fear only bad things. Not necessarily true – sometimes, when we get too close to something good, very good, extraordinarily good, we fall into the eternal too good to be true and we start digging, investigating, analyzing, just to find out what is wrong with that close-by success. If there is nothing we can find wrong, we make-up something just to certify that nothing can be that good. I had good things a couple of times within my reach and I managed to sabotage myself with this self-destructive attitude.
It is as if – instead of being happy for a while but facing a probable misery, I am afraid of this happiness that will not last and I am ready to sacrifice it, so I don’t grow wings, so I don’t go close to the sun, so I don’t find out later that the sun is just a light bulb and that I am not Icarus but a moth.
There are places where the mind is of no use and where faith is all one needs. Faith is the only one that can keep the fear in check – not blind faith but a warm faith placed on the right to happiness we most probably have.