{"id":14,"date":"2009-08-06T15:13:28","date_gmt":"2009-08-06T20:13:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/2link.ca\/blog\/2009\/08\/06\/the-perfect-life-partner\/"},"modified":"2009-08-06T15:13:28","modified_gmt":"2009-08-06T20:13:28","slug":"the-perfect-life-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.2link.ca\/newblog\/2009\/08\/06\/the-perfect-life-partner\/","title":{"rendered":"The Perfect Life Partner"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yes, yes, I know, there is no perfect partner. Still, as Robin Williams says in Good Will Hunting: \u201c… she’s not perfect. Neither are you. What matters is if you are perfect for each other<\/em>\u201d. This material is trying to take a snapshot of somebody who would be perfect for ME. Why am I writing it? Just so I clear my mind, visualize my expectations and, when doing so, understand if they are realistic or not. Everyone seems to know what they don\u2019t want but that is really not very helpful in the quest for a partner. Like always, I am trying to be different.
\nTo figure out the answer to \u201chow would your ideal partner look and behave like<\/em>\u201d I started by trying to find out who I am, what I can live with and what I cannot live without. Everyone looks for unconditional love \u2013 and I agree that this is how true love is. But how does one reach unconditional love? You meet somebody, go out on a few dates, share some laughs and have a good time in the sack and there you go: unconditional love?! It doesn\u2019t make sense. It just dawned onto me \u2013 as I was writing these lines \u2013 that the road to unconditional love is through conditional one. At least for me. I am dual \u2013 a down-to-earth person and a dreamer locked within the same body. Through some unsuccessful experiences, I discovered that the perfect love, in my case, would have to address both my mind and my soul. Only when I will be have them agree, I will know that I met a long-lasting relationship.
\nConditional love?! So what are these conditions that should be fulfilled? Only the person involved knows because for each of us the conditions are different: for some perfect beauty is the condition, for others success, for others intelligence or kindness but, in most cases, a mixture of all of these, in different percentage. When these conditions are met and solidified using the cement of time, only then unconditional love appears.
\nIt took me a while to understand that respect and admiration is one the most important for me in a relationship. I want to receive them but \u2013 at least as important \u2013 I want to be able to offer them to my partner and have good reasons for doing it so. Well, pretty much everyone demands respect these days but, unfortunately, very few are ready to do something to gain it. I had myself a hard time understanding and accepting that respect is earned and not given. Moreover it is hardly gained and easily lost. I know with certainty that respect and admiration for the one who accompanies me in life would make me be the best I can be. I accomplished many things but I know I can accomplish even more if only I would have somebody close-by that I can look up to. I don\u2019t like inter-relationship competition but, as a fact, I always try to meet the standards my partner lives up to (not those my partner would want to impose on me without imposing them on themselves). If those standards are low, I find very little motives to push me forward.
\nOf course, respect and admiration are very general. What raises respect in one person, could not make another one blink. I gained the respect of my mother by simply proving myself capable of doing house-chores: cooking from scratch, cleaning the house, washing and ironing clothes. For years and years I had many excellent accomplishments that few people can boast and yet they didn\u2019t mean anything for her. Suddenly I do something that pretty much any responsible adult should be able to do and I am raised on a pedestal.
\nSo what is that I do respect and admire?! I admire true fighters \u2013 people who know what they want in life and want reasonable things and find the power not to wine for not having them but work hard to get it and somehow manage to still remain moral. Trivial? Most people would like to think so because they think highly of themselves. Personally, I am not convinced this is a quality easy to find. People want better homes, better cars, better vacations, and better family life but very seldom do they want to create the basis for this: better themselves. I take pride in my work and, as such, I respect more a janitor who does his work impeccably than a PhD who didn\u2019t learn anything new in a number of years. We all have things that we are not capable of doing but we can\u2019t know that for sure unless we gave it our BEST try.
\nI believe that a strong partner can motivate one to raise the bar for himself too (or so it should be). Like a competition. Not an unhealthy one \u2013 many times partners compare salaries or other sordid matters as a base for the internal competition and that leads to many issues. I usually say that for me envy is a positive feeling: whenever I envy somebody for their accomplishments, I do not deny those accomplishments but my mind starts working about what I can do to match those accomplishments I admire. Self-satisfaction can be as destructive as never being content \u2013 and not only on oneself but in his close ones as well. What is the point of pushing you forward when doing this just increases the fault line between the two partners? And if you do push yourself forward, the trench that separates the two will become insurmountable.
\nWithout being a snob about it, I am a person of relatively good taste. It\u2019s not something I did educate or actively sought to become. It just so happened. I accept the evaluation of what constitute refine things is relative but there are some accepted guidelines. Sometimes, like in literature or when it comes to movies and sometimes in art, I can verbalize my choice. Other times \u2013 like in the cases where I am less educated \u2013 such as wine and wine tasting, it\u2019s instinctive. Actually I kind of hate snobs, the real ones, the ones who think that expensive is better, the ones who can never achieve a personal opinion but just take it from critics\u2026 not the other archetype that the pop culture pushed onto us: people who have good table manner, who are educated and so on.
\nLack of any good or at least genuinely interesting taste in culture and education is, definitively, a put-off for me and I would not see myself sharing my life with a person with whom I cannot share artistic feelings, impressions \u2013 I say share, not communicate because I yearn for conversation, not monologues. And yes, my partner\u2019s taste don\u2019t have to be totally similar to mine \u2013 although a common ground would be helpful \u2013 but they need to be somewhat supported in the great scheme of things. I would definitely appreciate someone who can initiate me in new areas of culture, music, food etc. I realize now that I am looking in a person the same quality that I am looking for in art\/cultural products: novelty, inspiration, insight, not repetition.
\nSpeaking about taste, I believe one tragedy of the world currently is the continuous search for comfort. I am not the one to despise the comfort under normal circumstances but when it comes to wearing flip-flops in a good restaurant, putting the legs on the table in the same restaurant, going in pajamas to the bus station, walking bare-feet through the office\u2026 I believe some of us are going too far in this search for comfort. This all boils down to there is a time and a place for everything but not every time and place are suitable for something.
\nI also found out about myself that while I am a dreamer, I am still anchored very much in reality. I live on this Earth and if I wrote SciFi or fantasy it means I like to speculate not that I believe in such. I have little tolerance on people who try to meet ET, who believe that crystals are a cure to anything, who believe that the cure for cancer is in the possession of some dude in Kirghizstan and it\u2019s not released just because a huge conspiracy of the pharmaceutical companies. Exploration of these topics, speculations I can sustain but once I feel that there is belief I back down especially because, from my personal experience, I know it\u2019s not a single \u201cbirdie\u201d flying up there but a whole nest of them. In other words, I am looking for some common sense. Yes, I know that common sense is not so common but I would nevertheless try to find some. To be honest, reading this I am wondering if I have common sense: somebody who have common sense would probably accept quickly when they do something out of range, while somebody who doesn\u2019t have common sense would never admit to such a fault. Yet, still, I know I can judge somebody who doesn\u2019t have common sense: if you believe that you are saving when you buy useless or seldom of use objects when they are in sale, you don\u2019t have common sense; if you constantly believe that the others are in the wrong, if you don\u2019t see (or admit) when you are at fault, then you don\u2019t have common sense; if you keep on doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result, you don\u2019t have common sense\u2026
\nAll in all I\u2019m not asking much from my partner \u2013 just the impossible: a strong person (not a stubborn, or yelling one), with a decent taste in all that makes this life worth living, based on a solid common sense and that\u2019s it… And please, before you swear at me, remember \u2013 I never demanded more than I can offer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yes, yes, I know, there is no perfect partner. Still, as Robin Williams says in Good Will Hunting: \u201c… she’s not perfect. Neither are you. What matters is if you are perfect for each other\u201d. This material is trying to take a snapshot of somebody who would be perfect for ME. Why am I writing…<\/span><\/p>\n

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