{"id":872,"date":"2017-07-23T16:46:15","date_gmt":"2017-07-23T20:46:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.2link.ca\/newblog\/?p=872"},"modified":"2017-07-23T16:46:15","modified_gmt":"2017-07-23T20:46:15","slug":"scuza-si-iertarea","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.2link.ca\/newblog\/2017\/07\/23\/scuza-si-iertarea\/","title":{"rendered":"Scuza \u0219i iertarea"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Pentru unii, lumea se \u00eemparte \u00een na\u021biuni, rase, religii. Din acest motiv caut\u0103 r\u0103spunsul \u00een ace\u0219ti parametri. Pentru mine, lumea se \u00eemparte \u00een culturi \u2013 locuri fizice \u0219i metafizice \u00een care anumite g\u00e2ndiri de grup, pentru anumite motive, se \u00eencet\u0103\u021benesc \u0219i dicteaz\u0103 asupra comportamentului individului.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00cen culturile primitive<\/strong> sau nu tocmai evoluate, <strong>rela\u021biile sociale se bizuie pe for\u021b\u0103<\/strong> \u0219i ierarhie. E numai normal, deci, ca scuza oferit\u0103 s\u0103 fie perceput\u0103 ca un fenomen \u00eenjositor pentru individ. O face numai cel mai slab c\u0103tre cel mai puternic. C\u00e2nd e \u00eendreptat\u0103 spre egal, e semn c\u0103 se dore\u0219te ob\u021binerea unui avantaj, beneficiu. Pentru c\u0103 e perceput\u0103, social, ca o atitudine umilitoare, de recunoa\u0219tere a puterii celuilalt, individul de r\u00e2nd din aceast\u0103 societate involuat\u0103, se \u021bine departe de ea ca de dracu\u2019.<!--more--><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00cen culturile avansate, rela\u021biile sociale se bizuie pe respect \u0219i egalitate<\/strong>. Aceasta ridic\u0103 stigma de pe cererea iert\u0103rii. Din contra, multe culturi avansate laud\u0103 gestul \u0219i consider\u0103 c\u0103 individul se ridic\u0103 social atunci c\u00e2nd face lucrul corect, acela de a-\u0219i recunoa\u0219te gre\u0219eala. \u00cen limba englez\u0103 se spune \u201e<em>It takes a great person to admit they were wrong and an even greater person to fix their mistakes<\/em>\u201d ( <em>Doar un om mare din punct de vedere moral are puterea de a-\u0219i admite gre\u0219eala \u0219i numai unul \u00eenc\u0103 \u0219i mai mare \u00ee\u0219i repar\u0103 gre\u0219eala <\/em>). Actul cererii iert\u0103rii, \u00een aceste culturi, \u00eennobileaz\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>Desigur, oricine, indiferent de cultura care-l domin\u0103, \u00a0\u00ee\u0219i dore\u0219te o scuz\u0103. \u00a0E natura uman\u0103 \u0219i scuza e un instrument de baz\u0103 al rela\u021biilor sociale. Una f\u0103cut\u0103 corect, \u00een parametrii pe care-i voi descrie mai jos. Acestea \u00eens\u0103 vin, \u00eentr-un mediu neprielnic, numai de la inferior c\u0103tre superior. \u00a0Pentru cei oarecum egali sociali, cel r\u0103nit se las\u0103 p\u0103guba\u0219 \u0219i accept\u0103 orice ceea ce i se ofer\u0103: un \u201eHai s\u0103 nu ne mai cert\u0103m\u201d, un cadoua\u0219 f\u0103r\u0103 cuvinte sau chiar pur \u0219i simplu redeschiderea conversa\u021biei (dup\u0103 o lung\u0103 perioad\u0103 de <em>incommunicado<\/em> ) de c\u0103tre cel care se consider\u0103 c-a gre\u0219it. \u00a0Asemenea schi\u021be de scuze, evident, nu sunt satisf\u0103c\u0103toare, nu cur\u0103\u021b\u0103 gre\u0219eala \u0219i sup\u0103rarea cauzat\u0103 de ea. Nu fac nimic dec\u00e2t s\u0103 v\u00e2re evenimentul nepl\u0103cut, gre\u0219eala \u0219i sup\u0103rarea sub pre\u0219ul rela\u021biei \u2013 de unde vor ie\u0219i la iveal\u0103 din nou, la prima situa\u021bie conflictual\u0103 \u00eentre p\u0103r\u021bile implicate.<\/p>\n<p>Cultura este cultur\u0103, individul este, \u00eens\u0103, individ \u0219i nimic nu spune c\u0103 individul nu-\u0219i poate dep\u0103\u0219i cultura, nu poate transgresa c\u0103tre o etap\u0103 improprie grupului din care apar\u021bine. Deci, cum sun\u0103 o scuz\u0103 corect\u0103?<\/p>\n<p>O scuz\u0103 sincer\u0103 atinge 2 aspecte:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Arat\u0103 poc\u0103in\u021ba sincer\u0103 pentru ac\u021biunile\/cuvintele proprii<\/li>\n<li>Recunoa\u0219te r\u0103nirea adus\u0103 de ac\u021biunile\/cuvintele proprii.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>O scuz\u0103 sincer\u0103 urmeaz\u0103 etapele descrise mai jos:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>Exprimarea remu\u0219c\u0103rii<\/strong>. \u00centr-un mod sincer, autentic, articulat, vinovatul trebuie s\u0103 \u00eenceap\u0103 prin exprimarea p\u0103rerii de r\u0103u. Cuvintele magice \u201e\u00eemi pare r\u0103u\u201d sau \u201eregret\u201dsunt primele care trebuie s\u0103 plece de pe buzele celui care a gre\u0219it.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Admisia responsabilit\u0103\u021bii<\/strong>. \u00cen aceast\u0103 etap\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 ar\u0103\u021bi c\u0103 sim\u021bi empatie pentru persoana pe care ai r\u0103nit-o, c-o \u00een\u021belegi de ce se simte r\u0103u. Empatie = s\u0103 te pui \u00een papucii persoanei respective \u0219i s\u0103-\u021bi imaginezi cum te-ai sim\u021bi dac\u0103 cineva \u021bi-ar face sau spune ceva similar. Nu oferi o scuz\u0103 generic\u0103 \u201eIart\u0103-m\u0103\u201dsau \u201e\u00cemi pare r\u0103u\u201d pentru c\u0103 aceasta poat suna nesincer\u0103 \u0219i nu spune c\u0103 ai \u00een\u021beles ce ai gre\u0219it. \u201eIart\u0103-m\u0103 c\u0103 am f\u0103cut \u0219i am spus&#8230;\u201d este formula care spune c\u0103 \u00een\u021belegi ce ai gre\u0219it.<\/li>\n<li><strong>S\u0103 faci repara\u021bii<\/strong>. Aici introduci ac\u021biunea care, \u00een viziunea celuilalt, va repara situa\u021bia, \u00eel va face pe cel r\u0103nit\/cea r\u0103nit\u0103 s\u0103 se simt\u0103 \u00eentreg\/\u00eentreag\u0103 din nou. \u201e<em>Spune-mi ce pot face ca s\u0103 nu mai fii sup\u0103rat\/sup\u0103rat\u0103<\/em>.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Promite c\u0103 vei \u00eencerca s\u0103 nu repe\u021bi gre\u0219eala<\/strong>. E nevoie s\u0103-l\/s\u0103 o asiguri pe cea c\u0103ruia\/c\u0103reia i s-a gre\u0219it c\u0103 atitudinea nu se va repeta, c\u0103-\u021bi vei schimba comportament. Acest pas reconstruie\u0219te \u00eencrederea \u0219i repar\u0103 rela\u021bia. \u0218i, evident, chiar trebuie s\u0103 te str\u0103dui din r\u0103sputeri s\u0103 nu repe\u021bi gre\u0219eala \u2013 \u00een caz contrar risc\u00e2nd ca reputa\u021bia \u0219i onestitatea ta s\u0103 fie puse la \u00eendoial\u0103.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>Este important s\u0103 evi\u021bi aceste gre\u0219eli comune, din ciclul &#8220;Ce s\u0103 NU faci c\u00e2nd \u00ee\u021bi ceri scuze?&#8221;:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Nu explica<\/strong>. Explica\u021biile nu fac dec\u00e2t s\u0103 sl\u0103beasc\u0103 impactul scuzelor. Explica\u021biile sunt scuze care te disculp\u0103, care \u00eencearc\u0103 s\u0103 te elibereze de ru\u0219inea gre\u0219elii. Explica\u021biile, chiar dac\u0103 sunt valide, trebuie p\u0103strate \u00a0pentru o etap\u0103 mai t\u00e2rzie.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Nu \u00eent\u00e2rzia scuzele<\/strong>. \u201eToo little, too late\u201d, expresie nord-american\u0103 spune c\u0103 ori faci ce trebuie, imediat, ori dac\u0103 \u00eent\u00e2rzii, scuzele \u0219i regretele trebuie amplificate. Dac\u0103 nu vrei s\u0103 faci peniten\u021b\u0103 \u00eendelungat\u0103, dac\u0103 dore\u0219ti o iertare rapid\u0103, cere-\u021bi scuze imediat ce ai realizat c\u0103 ai gre\u0219it.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Nu te ofusca dac\u0103 scuzele nu-s acceptate imediat<\/strong> \u2013 Dac\u0103 ai \u00eent\u00e2rziat sau ai gre\u0219it \u00een anumi\u021bi parametri ai scuzelor, iertarea nu va veni rapid. Nu \u0219ov\u0103i \u00een mesaj, nu trece de la scuze la acuza\u021bii, insist\u0103 c\u0103 po\u021bi repara situa\u021bia \u0219i iertarea va veni.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Cultura este cultur\u0103, o \u00eentrupare a mediului \u00een care omul a crescut \u0219i a evoluat. Individul este, \u00eens\u0103, individ. Depinde de decizia lui\/ei proprie de a se \u00eenregistra \u2013 prin comportament \u2013 \u00eentr-o cultur\u0103 a for\u021bei \u0219i ierarhiei, o cultur\u0103 arhaic\u0103, sau \u00eentr-una civilizat\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>[subscribe2]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pentru unii, lumea se \u00eemparte \u00een na\u021biuni, rase, religii. Din acest motiv caut\u0103 r\u0103spunsul \u00een ace\u0219ti parametri. Pentru mine, lumea se \u00eemparte \u00een culturi \u2013 locuri fizice \u0219i metafizice \u00een care anumite g\u00e2ndiri de grup, pentru anumite motive, se \u00eencet\u0103\u021benesc \u0219i dicteaz\u0103 asupra comportamentului individului. \u00cen culturile primitive sau nu tocmai evoluate, rela\u021biile sociale se<span class=\"excerpt-ellipsis\">&#8230;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a class=\"more-link\" href=\"http:\/\/www.2link.ca\/newblog\/2017\/07\/23\/scuza-si-iertarea\/\" itemprop=\"url\">Continue Reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[154,276],"class_list":["post-872","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-commentary","tag-iertare","tag-scuze"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.2link.ca\/newblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/872","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.2link.ca\/newblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.2link.ca\/newblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.2link.ca\/newblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.2link.ca\/newblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=872"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.2link.ca\/newblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/872\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":873,"href":"http:\/\/www.2link.ca\/newblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/872\/revisions\/873"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.2link.ca\/newblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=872"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.2link.ca\/newblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=872"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.2link.ca\/newblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=872"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}