What is love

Don’t worry, I won’t continue, like Haddaway, with “Baby, don’t hurt me”, mostly because it is too late for this.
What is love TO ME? This is the only question I can answer. There use to be a time when I believed that love is the same thing for anyone, that feeling that you sink and soar at the same time, that you get lost and yet you just found yourself and your purpose in life. Now, after much observation, I know it is not such, that love is and is manifested differently by many people. A Romanian thinker, Octavian Paler, was saying “Just because somebody doesn’t love you the way you want doesn’t mean they do not love you”. Most probably it is so. But that is their concern, what they feel inside and cannot transmit is their failure, not mine. I only know what I perceive as love and anything different, TO ME, is NOT love.
To me, love is empathy. When the other one is hurt, you are hurt too. You feel or at least try to feel when they feel lonely, when they need your good word, when they need help or soothing. Postponing answering the email from the loved one because you are tired, because you feel you might not live up to his/her expectations, because you don’t feel like, is NOT love.
To me, love is altruism. You cannot think of yourself, but of the other. None of the reasons named in the previous paragraph hold up because in each of them you are thinking about yourself, not about the other and that he or she might be hurt by your silence.
To me, love is protection. When you’re in love you feel compelled to protect the one you love against the world. While you might have your complains about them, you will not allow anyone to badmouth them, not even your brother, sister, mother, who, in the moment you love, move automatically to the second position.
To me, love is action. If the relationship goes through a rough patch but you are in love, you will fight and jog your mind to find a way to make things right. If you say to yourself that it’s too much hassle, in my view, you are not in love. No, love is not easy but if you are not prepared to do a minimum to protect and hold it, and you will end up with what you deserve, a convenient relationship and nothing more.
To me, love is future. It’s ok to talk about the future even none of us knows what it reserves. “I will stand by you forever” is not a lie if it will not come true. If you are young at heart and love with every inch of it, that is what you really believe so it cannot be a lie. Painting a bright, together future is not a false promise, if you believe it. If you don’t it’s not love and what the hell are you doing in this relationship? Maybe? Maybe tomorrow you’ll feel differently. Nope. If it doesn’t happen relatively fast, it will never happen. What you get later is not love, is just comfort, pleasure, convenience.
And because it is future, love is also hope. Hoping in him/her, in your personal “US”. It is faith, blind faith despite your adult age, despite all the bad experiences you’ve been through. Yeah, you might need a little bit of coaxing, or help from the other, but you will not dwindle too much on this road of faith and hope.
And, I should not forget – love is little gestures that create huge emotions. Somebody asked me “do you want love or gestures of love?”. I want to feel love and whatever lies behind her closed lips, it’s of her concern, not mine. I can only perceive the words and the gestures and that is how I know, at least in the early stages of a relationship, that I am loved. If you don’t make those gestures when the time is right, then you should make huge ones, so you will never hear “too little, too late”. But, if you don’t make those gestures, it means you don’t feel like making them and nobody should force you to make them. They should just get away from you in silence. I wish I could have been this wise.


  • Mada

    April 20, 2012 at 7:38 am Reply

    What is love… too little too late… you’re a musical man! I like that !

    • andi

      April 20, 2012 at 12:43 pm Reply

      To be honest, it’s never too late… because Death is the only problem without a solution.

  • Mada

    April 21, 2012 at 10:28 am Reply

    Death is not The problem… :))) it’s The solution!!! hahaa! 😉

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