Left Behind

Maybe I mentioned it before, but it’s worth mentioning again (repetition is the learning’s mother). When I was 20-21, I said something to my mother. She looked at me with disgust mixed with a lot of pity and said “Andi! You are the eternal teenager. You’ll never grow up”. I smiled, despite her expression, and thanked her. “No, Andi, it’s not a good thing”.Continue Reading

Ideal Model of Parenting and How I Failed It

Contrary to what some might think, based on my previous posting, I am not a perfect parent. If you would ask me in a moment in which I can face myself and my failures, I would say I wasn’t even a good parent. Yet it is my belief that although we cannot fulfill always, or completely, an ideal model it’s not a reason to not strive for that model.

Right after the posting about parenting, a friend of mine pointed on FB this article (http://on.wsj.com/wpkb7J). I found it to be a more articulated version of my beliefs, something that bypasses my harshness (which was not intended). I cannot brag that I followed this “French” (idealized, I am sure) version of parenting. Due to pressure from job, I was aloof for a long time while my son was growing. I tried to impose some rules, create that framework the article talks about, but sometimes, when the framework was rejected by my son and upset him, I felt guilty, gave him speeches (in an absurd attempt to have him accept them of free will). Sometimes I got angry and yelled at him. Then, because I felt horrible inside (although my mind was telling me I am right scolding him), I gave him – like a bad referee – “compensation strikes”, trying to appease my conscience but confusing him (Now Dad scolds me, after 2h he takes me out for an ice-cream? WTF?!) I have a lot of moments when I failed in reference of this model described in the article. But it doesn’t matter so much because every time I fail, I shake all the dust and try to get back in the saddle. I explain to myself and, often, to my son, where I failed, I give a short explanation and an apology when it’s required and then I try to get back with the program.

The article describes everything I was trying to point out (in a harsh way I was told) in my previous article. Here are some of my comments based on the main ideas (no real order).

  1. Framework. I love the idea of autonomy within a liberal range. It is very similar with adult life: after all nobody tells us what car to drive, what job to choose but at the same time we can’t kill, we need to obey laws and rules, most of them set up for our own good (think about traffic rules). Inside this common-sense framework, children can and should have lots of autonomy.
  2. Stern voice and behavior. From my observations, most of the children, even the ones who seem uncontrollable, react very well and obedient to a stern voice asking something politely but without hesitation. On the other hand, I saw parents saying repeatedly “no, no, no” in an eternally patient voice and I think that children feel this lack of will and as such they don’t stop because they interpret it as a vague indication, not as a rule.
  3. Teach them patience and their place in family, society. Far from me exalting the harsh rules of the 50s education but, in my view, adults should not interrupt constantly an adult conversation to pay attention to all the silly things a child needs to communicate. Instant gratification creates the need of instant gratification; too much attention creates a dependency on constant attention.
  4. Not feeling guilty over imposition of these boundaries that create the framework. If we do it right, we are not harming them (even if they will shed some tears, or have a tantrum, they will not remain scarred for life), we don’t (should not) impose random rules but ones created out of love for them and stemming from the desire of them growing well-adjusted, well-integrated members of society. We can explain them why there is a need for these rules but the desire for them to suddenly see the light and understand is a very unrealistic one. In the end, as unfair it seems “because I said so”, is how most probably the conversations will end (not because we don’t have a clear and solid reason why we impose a rule, but because the children still want to do what they want to do and are not ready to accept that explanation)
  5. Adult time for us, time alone for them. We have our needs and problems. While parents, we are human and they, unfortunately, can’t really understand the pressure and the responsibilities we are facing. We are not appendixes of our children and we need a little bit (just a little) of time for our problems, for our conversations, for our well-being and this doesn’t mean that we abandon or ignore them. Both extremes are harmful (in my concept) – self-centered adults attending too much to their needs and desires, on one hand; adults turned into simple slaves of their children desires on the other.

I will say it again – there is need for balance in everything. We can improve parenting but not by throwing the common-sense out of the window. Our mission (my mission at least as I see it) is to raise a child who is comfortable in society, who can take on responsibilities as they come without thinking that they are unfair, who I know will be able to live a good life well after I am gone.

Parenting

It is one of the hottest topics everywhere. Everyone sighs and acknowledges that “children don’t come with a manual”. In the same time, they seem to believe that children come with a bunch of pamphlets and old common sense is dead.

I don’t want to cast the stone because I am far from being without sins. I worried too much, I applied theories like everyone else, I made mistakes, lots of them and I felt like a bad parent and, sometimes, this uneasiness with myself and my decisions made my son’s life less than pleasant. It took me a while to understand what the major issue was. It was the same major issue that I see all around me: it seems that parenting is more about US (the adults) than THEM (the children).

I believe with all my heart that they don’t come with a manual. What works with one doesn’t necessarily work with another one. What works at one age will be destructive at another. Yet, cars are different – different in size, shape, power, torque, yet we kind of drive them in the same way.

I’ll be asking some questions and YOU should be the one to answer them, just like I did it for myself. Some questions seem rhetorical but they are not and if they are you should still try to answer (just like I do, sometimes against the flow of conversation)

  1. Is parenting about making myself feel good? I heard often “I couldn’t do that to my child. I would feel horrible”. It’s only normal that when the child cries or is upset, the parent feels uneasy, to say the least. We wonder “Maybe I was too harsh, maybe I should have caved in, maybe it wasn’t that important”. “I feel so bad” is, no doubt, about ourselves. In my personal view, if we did something that we know it’s right: lay down a rule, stick to our guns in face of tears and unreasonable demands, we shouldn’t worry about how we feel. It might be hard, we might feel guilt… but we have to do the RIGHT thing, not the EASY one.
  2. Since we talk about us: Are we really good people if we do not set rules and force these rules against them, and keep them happy ALWAYS and never make them yell “That’s NOT fair!”? If I don’t teach or try with all the means to teach my children to know right from wrong, if he ever wrongs, hurts or gets hurt… then I guess I am not good. Or so I think about myself. Yes, it burns a parent’s soul to see their child crying, but we should never shy away from doing the right thing. If it ends badly because we didn’t do our job, then most definitely we are not good. And, to return to US: aren’t they members of the same family? don’t they have to keep us happy too? Do they learn the right lesson when we give them something for nothing? Love is unconditional, that’s true… but Disneyland, that expensive toy etc. should they also be unconditional?
  3. Is it a good thing to be friend with your child? While possible, children, in my view, need us to be guidance and authority figures more than they need us to be their friend. Would you heed to the rules a friend would try to make for you? Would you be so responsible as to heed to them just on the base of them wanting you the best, even if you don’t believe that these rules act in your best interest? Most probably the answer is “no”, so when you lose this status of a FAIR boss, don’t ask yourselves “Why isn’t he/she listening to me?”
  4. Did our parents do such a horrendous job? I constantly witnessing a complete “reinvention of the wheel”… and I see by the results that our wheels become more and more square. Were our parents perfect? Most probably not. Was everything they did wrong? They must have done something right if we ended up well. New theories spring overnight from the forever-multiplying psychologists, sociologists, educators and we experiment on our children, completely ignoring anything from our own education. I not convinced at all that what is new is absolutely necessarily better.
  5. Do we want to adjust our children to the world or the world to our children? Sometimes, from what I’ve noticed, we idealize our children and build for them the illusion of an ideal world. They are the most important thing for us, that is true, but are/should they be the most important thing in this world?! How can we make the switch in their mind, from being #1 in our house, to being #25 in a classroom? Aren’t they going to have difficulties adjusting? Are we doing well by protesting at school, high-school, college, job that our offspring are not treated as #1?!
  6. Are we really sure that the world, the universe, anybody else is/should be responsible for them? I was screamed at by a mother when I drove my car about 1m from her 9-year old daughter who was in the middle of the street. She said that I should be careful (wanted me to stop completely) and I reminded her that her children’s life and health is HER and HER daughter’s responsibility, not mine. That sign I see in some neighborhoods: “Watch for our children” is irresponsible. Why would you trust a stranger that he doesn’t hurt YOUR children, instead of making your children capable of staying out the harm’s way?
  7. Are our children dumber, more irresponsible, and more incapable than we were at their age? We were capable of making ourselves a sandwich when we were 12. They are not, and call us for help in the tiniest of tasks. I feel like going back to a): When we do everything for them, aren’t we mostly thinking about us, not wanting/accepting that they grow and there is somewhat called normality, proved by being capable of doing certain tasks appropriate for their age? Nobody is saying “let a 7 year old cook for himself and wash clothes”… but then again, it’s intolerable that mothers of 19-year olds say “I have a child to raise”, feed them, wash their clothes, hand them money. My personal answer is: if they are more immature, more irresponsible is because we made them this way. They will not grow unless we encourage them to grow. Very few of us would take out of conscience responsibilities; most of us take them upon us because we have to.
  8. Is it really a good thing to shield them completely and teaching them there are no consequences for the choices they make? This goes in the same line with “do we want to prepare them for the real world or for the world we desire?”. If we miss 2-3 days from work are there no consequences? If we challenge authority – which I did many times in life – will there be no consequences – which I also learned the hard way? If we chose to cheat, lie, steal, will there be no consequences? Then why is this tolerable for our children under the motto “they’re just kids”
  9. Are children really happier if we set unrealistic standards for all of us? Tennis, karate, violin, art classes – they are a must because something, somewhere (I wasn’t even able to figure out the starting point) teaches us that our children will be failures and not become fulfilled individuals without giving them EVERY opportunity that is out there. Personally, while not being against an extra-curricular activity now and then, I believe that running between classes, ruining our finances and time for this doesn’t make neither us nor them happier and more adjusted. Beside, few parents acknowledge that their children might be… dare we say… average. If they don’t excel at something it means that there is a hidden talent we haven’t yet discovered. At the same time that they acquire all these talents, we forget to teach them to be polite, to flush after using the toilet, to fry some eggs. Because there isn’t much time left of their time, they don’t have the time to read, and get bored, and – yes – think about things.
  10. What is the constant fear that we might be screwing up their whole future if we take a wrong decision? Only God doesn’t make mistakes; we are not God. We can and should do our best, adjust and apologize when we make mistakes. They are flexible, they are smart, they can understand many things – not all but many. I believe that a more relaxed attitude and faith in a good outcome generates better results. At least this is what I noticed on myself.

Raising a child is not simple… and yet it is. Common sense is. If we act based on the emotions and don’t follow this common sense (ours or history’s), I don’t think we are doing well our job. What I advocate for is simply a universe of balance, of fairness. It is a long and painful process but what I think we don’t want is having in the process of correcting mistakes with more mistakes. I.e. Because we don’t let them grow and become responsible, we have to care for them more than we should have otherwise; because we invest ALL our life in their care and development, we set impossible to attain standards and we are disappointed when they cannot reach them, when they chose to do their own mistakes; because they don’t learn that they are not the center of Universe (maybe of our universe but not THE one) we have to fight teachers and the world to put them in the center of the Universe; they mature very slowly and, when left alone they take the wrong decisions because we showed them before that when one takes the wrong decision there are no consequences… and so on.

I believe we can love them, care for them, keep them satisfied and happy AND also prepare them for real life. If now and then us or them will shed tears for what we believe to be their own good, then we shouldn’t cower from doing what we KNOW is right and less what we FEEL is right (and later rationalize it to be what we KNOW).

Ahhh, The Arrogance!

All in to throw the first stone, none caring to heal anything.
Hell is paved with good intentions!” we are taught. Yet, so many amongst us, some intelligent, keep on believing that they have the key to the Paradise and it’s made of… you guessed: good intentions! After all, is common sense, isn’t it?! But then again, the old saying “common sense is not so common” is always true in the case of others. Ahhh, the arrogance of thinking that good intentions amount to the worst of plans.
In the hardest of times as well as in the best of times, good intentions trump reasoning. Politicians do it wrong, corporations are to blame, welfare and health care are off the hook or they are not enough. What a blessing it must be to have a simple mind which sees everything as very simple and the choices that we have as being between good and bad! How simple must be everything when Jews or evil corporations or lazy bums are to be blamed for everything! People can straighten all the evils of the world in just 2 hours, over a pint of beer of glass of wine.
Now we are going through a deep economic crisis and people who went happily for the ride when this crisis was being cooked in the oven, are screaming and calling for heads to roll and throwing generous ideas as plans for recovery. Who is to be blamed for this crisis? THE OTHERS as poor Sartre was saying. Who are THE OTHERS? Bankers, corporations, politicians. Right?! WRONG!

(I am not really sure who am I writing this for because those who understand the situation, know it already, those who scream in the street, don’t care much and are too blinded by passion to give my words a second thought. Yet, here it comes.)

Bankers/Corporations – CEO and upper management are making money. Sure. With disregard to the deep social implications which most probably they didn’t give too much thought. Indeed. But, people – THIS IS THEIR JOB. They need to make money, to create profit and to reward the stockholders. If they don’t, they are kicked out on the spot. Check out what happens now on the market (not that you screamers ever bother to check the S&P, understand economy etc.) – if a company misses their PROFIT target, the share price goes down, most of the times ending with the company having to do massive layoffs. I repeat – even if they ARE making profit, just not as much as last year. Are these people making good money?! Of course they are but they argue that they did what they were supposed to do: profit, and deserve to be compensated. Did you ever refuse a pay raise?! They are greedy – of course they are. Would you stay 12h/day at work, travel extensively far from your family and dear ones, if you were paid 20-50% more than if you were to have a comfy 9-to-5 job?!
Smaller ranks, clerks need then to be at fault. After all it wasn’t the CEO of Bank of America who was forcing them to give the loans to UNQUALIFIED people, bad payers, poor people. What sane and good person would give 500,000$ mortgage loan to a family who earns 50,000$ (BEFORE taxes)?! They must be evil! But do you think they were giving it a second thought?! Upper management decided that the price of housing can only go up, so mortgage loans will always be paid, gave bonuses/commissions to those who could bring in people interested in buying a home. As long as your 50-60,000$/year salary becomes 80-90,000$ salary and what they were doing was not only legal but encouraged by their bosses, who would have said NO?! After all, one could argue – I am giving their house, their very own place to live to poor people, I am doing them a favor.
(This pertains to another discussion – what is the real good, is being gentle and permissive momentarily the same one with being good and doing good?)
Stockholders – so stockholders with their lack of patience and desire for quick profit are the ones pushing for more profits. To hell with stockholders! After all, who are they?! Business people wanting to speculate the pain of the working people, living a lavish life with their proceeds, people like Bill Gates, Richard Branson, Warren Buffet… Right?! WRONG. We are ALL – ALL who know and (most important and more) ALL who don’t have a clue. In N America, people can’t rely on government pensions so they invest, save for that future in which they are too old to work. Mom and pop, after working a lifetime, they are happy when their 100,000$ saved over 20 years becomes a 4-500,000$, allowing them a peaceful old age. If their 100,000$ becomes 2000$, we hate the ones we hate now anyway: they entrusted their money to people who were supposed to make them a profit, grow their initial investment. Would you accept a banking account which “gives” you a negative interest?! Let’s say it takes 10% of your savings for whatever reason: to feed the hungry, to keep jobs in your country, to save the whales, or pure and simply to squander it in bad investments? Would you open a “Big-Heart Account” or “Incompetence Account”?
In Europe and other places, people rely pretty much on the government to care for them in their old age. But how is government able to do that?! Print money?! Yes, they are doing it and that is why we’re in such a shitty place now. But is it feasible and logical to think that 1-200 EU/month you contribute to pension will generate in 20 years 1000EU/mo which will last another 20 years? How could this happen unless that money is INVESTED and, more so, it brings PROFIT? Government pension funds need to obtain profit, lots of it, to be able to sustain Social Services, so generous in Europe, to be able to pay for pensions. That or print money. So either you know/accept you are a shareholder or you have no clue, it’s a very good chance you or your loved ones depend on PROFIT to get by.
Politicians – Why haven’t the politicians done anything?! They are surely to be blamed. But a politician – I am not talking about the scumbags from poor countries – react (like all of us) when bad things are happening. What was bad before the crisis broke, before 2008, to require their reaction?! Corporations and banks were making sh*tloads of money, government was raising wonderful taxes on these piles of cash, people were happy either because now, magically they could afford a house to call their own (instead of, more appropriately, “the bank’s until the mortgage is paid”), or maybe because their house doubled in value in 3-4 short years. Workers had jobs sustained by construction, equity loans based on the house equity were flowing and eternal sunshine was glaring over the country, over all countries to an extent. This wealth, as rotten as it was, was fueling discretionary spending – more TVs, stainless steel fridges for everyone, 2-3-4 cars and vacation houses. “WE DESERVE IT ALL” – I hear this line from people “lost in shopping”, all the time. We do deserve it all – everything that happens to us is only OUR fault.
And when the crisis hit, what you would have done?! It would have been a sensible thing to let GM and Chrysler go bankrupt, let the banks go bankrupt because they deserve it. But it is estimated that auto-industry sustained 800,000 jobs and millions of people who depended on these jobs. If you are not living in a state where 20% of the jobs depend on automotive industry, you can say “let them die for the crappy job they did”; but if your constituents livelihood depends on these jobs how can you say “Go to hell!” ?! Come on, do-gooders, how can you tell some guy who tightens the same screw for 20 years (and does it badly) that he will have to get new skills and look for a new job and still expect to have him vote for you?! So, you save the few million NOW , hoping that someone else, not YOU will give tens of millions to the dogs when the seeds you planted NOW will reap the huge crisis. You print money and you pretend that happy times will be back in a jiffy… when in fact they are not coming back soon.
Government should have had control over the banks and companies and regulations. Indeed – but if you ever worked in the government, you know what a waste there is – people paid with 80-120$/h (160-240,000$/year), doing jobs for which they would have been paid 50K/year in a private company. 5 persons barely taking care of the workload of a single person – why?! Because of the damn regulations and damn comfort of the job they are in. Government is a black-hole and EU is a good example how regulations can stifle economy, growth, profit and thus jobs, pensions, stability.
I could go round and round and round but the fact is SIMPLE, if only the simple minds would accept this assessment: no one can cast the first stone, because we are ALL to blame. The arrogance, the gull of some idiots who take it to the market armed with good intentions but otherwise without a plan where everyone can win will not convince me. Do I want to live in a world where profit is balanced with the needs of the people? Do I want to live in a clean, eco-friendly world? Do I want to enjoy the benefits of modern healthcare and technology and what have you? OF COURSE I DO. I simply know that revolution is NOT the answer. Good intentions are NOT the answer. Big-heart is NOT the answer. We need BRAINS and careful information, we need an action plan which mediates between the interests of ALL segments, we need balance, not hippies shouting Mao’s lines, who – invariably – will end up being upper management in large companies. If we use our hearts and not our brains, we simply end up pave the hell.
There is a lot of GOOD to do. How can we do that?! Think and identify the LEAST of EVILS – because that is what GOOD in this world is.

Depression – Part 2

As I promised, but later than I wished for, here is the follow up. “The pickle” with all my advices, the most important, the critical aspect I left for now. Nothing is worth a dime without the most important one of all –WILL/DETERMINATION. And, hey, that is exactly where depression attacks – the WILL. Most of us, let’s be honest, are lacking this in the best of times.

Continue Reading

Good-Bad

For a very long time I wished to be good… and that strong desire made me become bad many times. I would speak my mind – giving many times “cutting” opinions, made people feel bad and then feel bad about myself for pointing them what their inner self tells them too but don’t want to admit. Feeling bad about yourself is the sure way of behaving nasty toward the others. What is worse is that while in time I learned to be more diplomat with people I don’t care much how they live their life, I kept on giving my truth to people dear or close to me, the ones with a future I perceived intertwined with mine. In other words I scold only the people I care for, just like I scold myself.
No, I am not a good person. Not in this definition: telling people what they want and what they need to hear. I do good deeds – many times I was told that too much out of my way to help people, even to get away from their own mistakes, but I can’t help telling them what they did wrong. And that is wrong – because people know what they did wrong, they know why their lives are not what they want them to be. They simply would not admit it. And that is why attending lifestyle-gurus conferences don’t make one bit of a difference – people don’t need to be told what is wrong, they just need will to fix what they are doing wrong. Unfortunately, I am so impatient that I keep on forgetting that one is never a prophet in his/her own country and I believe that a simple demonstration would (as it should) be taken for what it’s worth.
People spend too much and then complain publicly about the state of their finances. Do you think they need to hear me pointing out the errors of their budget (or lack of)?! People make wrong emotional choices – hanging on too long on a destructive relationship… do you think it makes any difference if I point out the futility of expectation of love and care where it didn’t happen in 1-2-3 years?!
I remember how angry it made me when my ex told me that she is with a man who is “good”. It seemed so unfair! He paid for 2-3 dinners, told her that she is the most beautiful, accomplished woman he ever knew and had become good. I, on the other hand, to consider only the Canadian period, sustained her financially for 4-5 years. But during this time I told her what I considered is wrong: that taking Computer Science during the layoffs in the technology sector is dumb, then she should chose the stable job, not the exciting one… and unfortunately I was accurate as a soothsayer and she resented me for this. I pushed her to make a credit history, a driver license, forced her to become autonomous so in case of my death, she could continue to be on her feet and take care of Gabriel. That is why I became “mean” and a stranger who didn’t help in any way in her becoming was “good”.
No, I am not a good person. I am just like a horrible Jiminy The Cricket… the voice of conscience, telling people “That is wrong “… but they already know it and just do what they were programmed to do. In the end I resent myself too because I think I am a complete idiot expecting the pig to fly, the eagle to dig the soil, the chicken to kill and so on. What I build with dedication and hard work, I destroy in a moment with my damn mouth.

Money, Life, and Happiness

It’s just my life philosophy that I am trying to share with you. Everyone is completely free, in what I am concerned, to decide how to spend their money. The issue that I have is with the unhappiness money generates. I always believed that while money doesn’t bring happiness, they help preserve it. Well, it’s not true. Families with incomes of 150,000$ or more end up unhappy, in debt. I see them trading their long term peace of mind, relaxation for the “cheap” thrill of unwrapping NOW that desired gadget or car or thing that somewhat complicates their life and makes it less happy.
Money is meant to be spent. I agree. Up to a point. All?! Even money one doesn’t have? How much borrowed money do we need for our happiness?! Pretty much none. I did it, don’t get me wrong – even my motorcycle was financed with borrowed money. Yet a measure must exist – you pleasure yourself, then I believe you should take a break from pleasuring yourself… for a while. I have even witnessed the idiotic vicious circle: I am in debt, can’t make ends meet, I am unhappy sooo… I will buy myself some knick-knack that will make me feel better. What is even more infuriating is that the people will feed you wise sayings such as “life is more about being and less about having”.
As I was saying, happiness is much simpler and cheaper than you think. Renovating the kitchen with 600$ and some work – change handles, paint it, some spots, new window covers – will make you happy in ways a 12,000$ renovation made by some contractor will never be able to do. At the end of 2 years that you have been saving money, purchasing that set of living-room furniture you dreamed of will reward you infinitely more in joy than living with the dangling sword of 5000$ loan taken right before losing the job. What is wrong with saving and letting the Joneses get into bankruptcy?! The 10000$ invested when you are 30 that becomes 20000$ at 40, will buy you that peace of mind that the quick thrill of shopping never can.
The common point seems to be this desire for perfection NOW. Purchased a new home?! What kind of dream-home is that which doesn’t have hardwood floors, interlock patio, new furniture?! And the sad truth is that when we achieve our dreams we don’t fill fulfilled but EMPTY. We reached our goals. And now what?! Now we should mess our lives: get more toys, a bigger house, get in debt, break the marriage over accumulated debts, blame the other for decisions we helped take.
We need goals in life. Most of us don’t have Earth-shattering goals: to build a pyramid, to circumnavigate, to compose a symphony. So I believe that we should spread our goals over a longer period of time. Instant gratification doesn’t work. Not for those who seek peace and happiness.

Watcha gonna do?!

The lack of logic frustrates me. It frustrates me deeply. I can’t help the feeling of being helpless when I am confronted, for example, with a mother complaining about her child’s weight and 10 minutes later encourages him to have a snack and use lots of mayo. Or somebody complaining about the debt burden and then, right away, proposing a long, expensive vacation.
People are not stupid. Not THAT stupid, anyway, yet they seem to not exercise any control over their live. Mostly everyone agrees that we are trashing this planet but most don’t see anything wrong throwing 2-3 years old electronics just for the sake of latest fashion, replace the car every 4-5 years, buying more junk to fill their closets. Everyone says financial responsibility is very important but when you point out their debt, they say “well, everyone has debt”. Most of the people deplore the technology invading their lives, but if one waits a few minutes you will hear “Ohhh, I am adicted to my blackberry/iPad”. All the media is filled with articles about the decline of knowledge – high-school graduates not being able to be functional even in the most modest jobs, inculture of the most shameful kind, yet somehow the main idea of the education system is to not push the children to achieve more, do more. We are surrounded by a “whatever” generation and yet many of us replace parenting with friendship and expect teachers to do our “dirty” work… but without being stressful on the children in any way.
Most people know what is good for them, know what is the correct thing to do yet they indulge themselves into doing what they want, when they want it. Of course, everything has a justification. “The more you buy, the more you save” or “we need confort” or “carpe diem”. Nobody accepts the fact that our perverse mind can rationalize anything and give a justification even to the most unjustifiable things.
Caught up in hedonism, preferring immediate, superficial pleasure to deep, long term satisfaction, we ignore willingly common sense. Of course it is hard doing the right thing, it takes self control, it takes tough standards applied to ourselves but not everything that is hard is bad. So very few children love math – yet should we remove it from curriculum just because it’s unpleasant? Does anybody want a surgery and the long recovery?! Then why don’t we just say to the surgeon “Please, dude, don’t do it because it will be, like, hard on me and, like, totally unpleasant
Why don’t I simply accept and ignore it, enjoy life?! But I do and I apply what is right mostly to me and those that I hold dear. “Whatcha gonna do?!” say all with a shrug. Spread the word, make yourself and people confront their own failures , adjust and try – to the best of one’s abilities – to live by the principles you have. And NEVER accept pre-digested thoughts just because they make your life easier.